POOR DEEFA

R .I. P    DEEFA

Feeling sad today, just went to my Bowel Surgeon after a loooooooooong 8 months wait.   I am no better with regards to my bowel problems and unable to eat without suffering afterwards and in pain…    Apart from more bowel surgery that may or may not help… and a permanent bag, that I DO NOT want…he can’t do too much operation wise to help me.

 I feel an idiot now, as I cried to him and a Medical Student.  I have to deal with these bowel issues all day and every day, often in pain or frustrated being hungry and having to skip meals..It is not ideal.  Especially being dealt with all life has thrown at us over the last few years and with Colin surviving the cancer and being in remission still on chemo medication…. shit oh dear… some days it is hard to deal with my issues let alone everything else.  I get sick of being strong, or positive, it is draining.  And not eating, I often am tired and no energy..andd  Yes, I am full of shit, that won’t damn come out, ha ha.

 Too much information I know, but I have to get it off my chest.  The Surgeon is one of the best bowel surgeons in New Zealand,  he is lovely, he said my small bowel is stuffed as well, and he thinks  going by my symptoms I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome too.   Having my large bowel already removed and have Coeliac Disease compounds the issues.   He hasn’t ruled out re-assessing more surgery and seeing me again, in 6 months.  So there you go…alone fending for myself.

And I was probably more sad and teary eyed than usual today as we had to get our lovely boy, Deefa put down to sleep yesterday at 9am.  We buried him last night with our Bull Dog, Rock in the garden.   At least the two mates are together now…so so so sad.  …sob.  😦

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He started getting constipated, then stopped eating two weeks ago, we thought from having a sore tummy, like me.  We took him to the Vet on Thurs, the Vet said it is serious, either Leukemia (we didn’t know canines could get it) or serious organ problems.  He had a $150! blood test, then on Monday Leukemia was ruled out, he is anemic and vomiting, and a dramatic weight loss in two weeks.   We paid another $700 to get an xray and an ultrasound to help determine the puzzle.  He is by then getting weaker, he is such a lovely natured dog, and not that old.  

Monday they find it, he has swallowed a 12.5cm piece of curly wire, stuck in his stomach behind his ribs.  No wonder he wouldn’t eat.    He eats a lot of grass, the wire may have been from our sheep fencing?   They were going to operate on Tues, another $1500, money we don’t really have as we keep getting dealt with expenses and things going wrong. Yes I know, I am feeling sorry for myself, or ourselves. 

We said we will find the money and do it, to save the poor soul and give him a chance.  When I picked him up after work Monday the vet said he may not find it, or get his hand in behind the ribs.  He seemed to think he may have blood poisoning and may open him up to find worse damage and have to put him to sleep on the operating table.  He said it may be more helpful to put him to sleep , for his sake and to go home and make a decision.  

So so hard.  I went to work at 8am then  I met the young lass there at the Vet Clinic, at 9 am yesterday.    Deefa wagged his hairy tail, peed on the vets tree by the door and almost fell over cocking his leg, 🙂  then happily wandered indoors with us.     Deefa was not far from going down further, he went so peacefully, we wrapped him in the Daughter’s childhood blanket.   She patted him all day long, then we buried him together in the evening.    Feeling glum 😦

We DID make the right decision.   RIP Deefa.   xxx

Deefa resting in the sun, photo taken a month ago.

Deefa resting in the sun, photo taken a month ago.

Taken a year ago, when he was a chubby wee boy.

Taken a year ago, when he was a chubby wee boy.

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